I thought you might appreciate a light moment...
Today we sit at the death bed of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he is, records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn’t always fair;
- Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (e.g., adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch because there is alcohol in the mouthwash; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
His condition worsened when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense almost lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
The family of Common Sense was nowhere to be seen as he rapidly approached the end of his days, although he is preceded by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
Neither has anyone seen his =five stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, I’m A Victim and Pay me for Doing Nothing.
It is not expected that many will attend his funeral, sadly few will miss him.
PS:as a matter of interest, I took the time to check these reported incidents and found them to be by and large true.
Adam Harbinson welcomes comments from readers on his weekly Wit & Wisdom column, you can write to him c/o Larne Times, 8 Dunluce Street, Larne, BT40 1 JG or email him - firstname.lastname@example.org